


When you wish upon a star (or was that quintessence)

by Shastelly



Series: Shastelly’s Bad Things Happen Bingo [6]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Be Careful What You Wish For, Gen, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lonely Lance, platonic klance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 14:59:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19832626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shastelly/pseuds/Shastelly
Summary: Bad things happen Bingo - Be careful what you wish for with Lance and loneliness and Keith***A huge shooting star streaked across the sky in the middle of my pity party.  I stopped to enjoy the way it left a lit trail across the sky, like glimmering and blue and just filled me with so much longing I can't even.  I wish I was like Keith.  He's like the perfect paladin.  Angry and violent and doesn't cry or get weepy about earth, focuses completely on the mission, does all of the flying, all of the fighting, all of the training - everything like perfect.  If I was Keith, if I could just get inside his head and figure out how he does it.  How is he so perfect and I'm just so…so…not?





	When you wish upon a star (or was that quintessence)

It's cold on the floor of the observatory - cold and quiet and lonely. I wish I'd remember to bring a blanket up here with me, but when I wake up in the middle of the night and just can't get back to sleep, I don't think my brain is really at full power. 

There are so many stars out there. I don't know any of them. I remember setting with my sister on the beach at night and naming as many stars and constellations as we could. We have both always loved the stars. Veronica liked to name each star and I liked to name the constellations. I guess she was a little more technical about the whole thing than me. I liked the stories that went with the constellations and the pictures they made in the sky. She liked knowing if they were red or blue and what they were made of and where they were located, and how far away they were. I would laugh and tell her they were all twinkle colored. She'd ruffle my hair. I remember how safe and happy it felt to lean into her shoulder when she'd wrap her arm around me. Veronica and I didn't always see eye to eye. She was the type A workaholic perfect student. I was the not typeable flighty barely scraping by kind of kid. But the stars, that was our thing, that was our connection. 

I miss them all so bad. I want to sit under the stars with Veronica. I want to go feed the cows with Luis and listen to him tell me all their names and laugh when the big bull tries to lick his face. I want to sit on the porch with Marco while he plays his sax and I play my guitar and sing. I want to braid Rachel's hair and talk about boys and girls and whatever is going on at school. I want to take another knitting lesson with Lisa as her gentle hands and words wash over me and make me feel important. I want to wrestle on the floor with Slyvio. I want to play soccer with Nadia. I want to sit at the table with Papi when he reads the news on his tablet and I watch funny videos and we share them with each other. I want to close my eyes to the sounds of Mami singing in hall as she makes her rounds to check on everyone before going to sleep herself. I want to feel her kiss on my forehead when she comes in to turn off the light and finds me still awake. I want her to tell me to sleep, to tell me to get some rest, to worry and fuss over me. I want them all. 

The closest I can get is sitting on the cold floor watching the stars. I'm going to memorize them and when I get back, if I get back, I'm going to tell Veronica about every one of them. The tears are annoying at this point. I should be stronger than this. I'm not the only one stuck out here. I'm not the only one away from home. Allura and Coran don't even have a home anymore. I'm such a pathetic loser.

If I was more like the Alteans I could focus on the end goal here. What's more important me or the fate of the entire universe. I am so freaking selfish. Look at how they just keep going! If I was more like Shiro, I would be so much stronger than all of this. He has taken so much, and he just keeps going. Me I'm the wimpy kid crumbling ‘cause I miss my mommy. If I was more like Pidge, I'd be kicking Galra butt and taking names until I got what I wanted. She's just going to power through and get her family back. Her family, the ones in captivity being tortured. I just have to power through and go home to my safe and secure family. Pretty pathetic that I'm the one struggling, isn't it? If I was more like Hunk, then I'd being using my awesome sunshine soul to brighten up this dark world. I mean he's like a one-man torch for everything good and right. Okay he's my best bro and I cannot stress enough how just freaking pure and good he is, of course he pushes past his anxiety to do what's best for everyone else.

A huge shooting star streaked across the sky in the middle of my pity party. I stopped to enjoy the way it left a lit trail across the sky, like glimmering and blue and just filled me with so much longing I can't even. I wish I was like Keith. He's like the perfect paladin. Angry and violent and doesn't cry or get weepy about earth, focuses completely on the mission, does all of the flying, all of the fighting, all of the training - everything like perfect. If I was Keith, if I could just get inside his head and figure out how he does it. How is he so perfect and I'm just so…so…not? Wow that was a pathetic wish and a half. I should just head back to bed, but then I'm really tired. Maybe I'll just rest here for a while. Just for a while.

***

_Why is it so dark? Seriously, why…where am I? Wait…um…where is my body? I don't have a body. I can't move! I can't talk! I'm not making any noise! What the…quiznak! I…holy…I…not good not good not good. Okay, just take a deep breath. Oh, freaking I can't breathe ‘cause I don't have my body! How the quiznak am I supposed to calm down if I can't breathe? How does that even work? Oh…hold on…am I dead…did I freaking die in my sleep? AM I DEAD - A QUIZNAKING CORPSE?!_

_Oh, there's light, wait. I'm opening my eyes? But they aren't my eyes, I can't feel it. I can't feel it. Maybe I'm paralyzed and just can't feel anything? Is that what's…no…no…that is not my hand! I do not have cuticles that bad and I am not that…white? What is going on?! Gloves, I do not wear fingerless gloves….oh…oh….no…I mean just no…this is not…I am not….no, quiznak. That's a mirror and that is Keith's face. Freaking out. I am freaking out! AHHHHHHHHH! Okay, no one can hear me scream. It is so much less satisfying to scream when it doesn't make sound and I can't punch anything or kick anything. I can't pinch my arm or pull my hair. I'm…what am I?_

***

"Keith!"

Keith sighed and looked into the mirror, just another day in space, "I'll be right there Shiro!" He looked in the mirror one more time. He could do this, just one more day like the last. Deep breath, he could keep Shiro safe another day, keep the others from getting too close, keep himself safe, just keep ducking and dodging like always…just make it through to the other side…and then do it all over again tomorrow.

"Keith?"

"Yeah, Hunk, on my way." Keith slipped out the door with a sigh and joined Hunk in the hall on their way to breakfast.

***

_What just happened? I can feel what Keith feels? And wait…why does Keith feel like that? He's like more anxious than Hunk. Is something going on today? He's anxious around Hunk. Who the quiznak is anxious around Hunk? But Keith's perfect, why would…I…huh._

***

"Hey, where's Lance?" Pidge muttered around a mouth full of space waffles, looking around the common room like he might be hiding somewhere. "He's not usually this late to breakfast."

"I think he's been having trouble sleeping." Hunk mumbled.

"Really? Maybe I should go talk with him." Shiro stood and stepped away from the table. "I'll go get him."

Keith nodded and finished his meal. He wondered what Lance could be upset about and decided he didn't really want to know. It was better to keep his distance. Better to not get too close. No telling how long they would last out here or how long until one of them left. If life had taught him one thing it was not to get too attached to anything. He cringed a little when he looked back at Shiro's back heading to the dorm area. He hadn't always followed his own rule and look what that had cost him. He sighed, he couldn't deny Shiro was worth the pain he'd been through, but it had still hurt, and it wasn't that easy to just get over it. 

He headed to the training area, maybe he could get some practice in before the others arrived. He couldn't ever let himself be lax on his training. He had to keep sharp, be ready, anything could happen at any time. He was not going to be caught off guard. He remembers his first night in the boys’ home. He'd been deceived; thought it was all safe. It was not. They'd jumped him when he'd fallen asleep.

Keith spent the next half a varga smashing training bots as he pictured the boys that had tormented him that first year in the home. They'd moved him after that, back into foster care, something about a smaller setting being better for him since he was so young. It wasn't any better, but it was okay because he'd already learned, and he never let his guard down after that. Sure, they caught him out sometimes and he'd taken more than a couple of beatings, but never when he didn't see it coming, never like that first night.

He heard the door opening behind him and turned expecting to see the others ready for morning training, but instead it was Shiro looking frantic.

"Keith, is Lance in here?!"

"No, why would he be here…with me?" Keith frowned.

"He's not in his room and we've been looking for him. I'm going to have Coran do a sweep of the castle." Shiro frowned concern evident.

"Did you check the observatory?" Keith asked quietly.

"What?"

"He um…I've seen him go there at night." Keith offered looking anywhere but at Shiro.

"Why…you've been training in the middle of the night again haven't you?" Shiro's frown deepened. "Keith, we are going to talk about this, but right now I need to find Lance."

Keith stared at his shoes. He didn't want Shiro to be disappointed in him.

"Keith?" 

Keith looked up to meet Shiro's eyes.

"Thank you for telling me, even though you knew I'd figure it out." Shiro gave him a little smile before taking off and heading out the door.

***

_Huh, Keith does care. Ha take that Mullet. Can't not care about me and he noticed me going to the observatory at night. Of course, I didn't notice him noticing me…how is he so sneaky?_

***

Keith decided to wonder down to the observatory. If Shiro hadn't found Lance there, then he could help look for him. He might be lost in the castle. He had gotten lost once about a week after they'd moved in, but Keith was pretty sure Coran had given him some kind of map thing after that.

He didn't expect to see Coran go running down the hall past him and rush through the doors into the observatory. He wasn't expecting a crying Hunk wringing his hands together standing outside of the door.

"Hunk?" Keith moved in closer as the other boy chocked back a sob.

"He's not moving." Hunk's voice trembled.

"Who? What's going on?" Keith peered around the door and stopped in shock. Lance was lying on the ground completely still. Shiro was kneeling beside him and Coran was on the other side with some sort of handheld device running it over him in the air. Allura was sitting by Lance's head, her hands resting lightly at his temples.

"It's like he's gone." Allura whispered.

"Gone." Keith felt the word fall out of his mouth. Next to him he could hear Hunk puking, but it was like his brain was on pause. How could Lance just be gone? He'd been fine, right? What if something happened to him, what if Keith should have followed him last night? What if it was Keith's fault? He hadn't protected his teammate - he was…black spots danced in front of his eyes and he felt his back hit the wall on the other side of the hall.

Hunk was crying. At some point Pidge had gotten there and was doing something with a computer. Shiro was frowning and had his hand on Lance's chest. The boy hadn't moved. 

Keith couldn't breathe. His breaths came in whistled gasps and finally someone seemed to notice his distress. 

"Keith?" Shiro turned his gaze to the boy in the hall. "Keith, you have to breath." 

Shiro was rushing over to him, but it was too late, his vision was graying out around the edges and tunneling down to nothing. He managed to see Coran carrying Lance out of the room before he passed out completely.

***

_Is he always so afraid of letting us down? I didn't think anyone else felt that way. I didn't know he'd even care at all if something happening to me and he's like passed out from a panic attack. I wonder if he thinks I don't care about him either. And on a more selfish note, am I dead?_

***

Keith blinked his eyes open slowly; his head was pounding. 

"Easy, here, have some water." 

Hunk's voice was soothing in his ear and he could feel a strong arm lifting him up and a straw pressed to his lips. He reached out to take the drink and managed to sit up enough to hold himself up. He was on a bed in the infirmary. Lance was floating in one of the cryopods in front of a small crowd. Shiro, Allura, Coran and Pidge were all there. 

"What? Is he alive?" Keith asked.

"Yeah, he's alive and breathing and everything, but Allura says it's like the quintessence was sucked out of his body." Hunk answered sadly.

"But, where did it go?"

_*In your head, Mullet-brain.*_

"What?" Keith turned to Hunk with a frown.

"I didn't answer you yet." Hunk frowned right back at him. "Maybe you should lay back down."

"No, I'm okay, I just want to know what's going on." Keith assured still trying to figure out who had said that.

_*duh*_

Keith blinked, but Hunk didn't seem to hear the sarcastic comment.

"So anyway, apparently there was some weird quintessence shower thing last night. Pidge found it in the computer readings. It's sort of like shooting stars, but they are made out of quintessence."

_*Oh, is that why they were so pretty*_

Keith spun around half expecting there to be someone behind him, though he knew where his entire team was.

"Anyway,” Hunk patted Keith again, getting more and more worried about his behavior. "It's apparently possible for us to travel to the astral plane through our quintessence and it used to be a thing on Altea to do during these showers, but what they can't figure out is why he isn't back."

_*Great, got lost on the way home and ended up here*_

Keith licked his lips and stared at Hunk for a moment before speaking, "Um, could he have gotten lost?"

"Like lost on the astral plane? I don't know man, I'm not sure it's the kinda of place you can do that?" Hunk puzzled.

"No, I mean like lost on his way back to his body, stuck somewhere else?" Keith nervously fingered his gloves not looking up at Hunk.

_*Shit, you can hear me*_

"Like stuck where?" Hunk frowned.

_*Keith! Keith! Keith! *_

"Stop that!" Keith snapped and Hunk leaned back in confusion.

"Sorry,” Hunk took the water from Keith.

_*AHHAHH! You can hear me! *_

"I can hear you; you don't have to yell." Keith growled.

"Keith, I'm not yelling." Hunk said soothingly.

"I know that, he is." Keith huffed.

"He who?" Hunk frowned.

"Lance." Keith answered as if it was obvious.

_*uh oh, you broke Hunk*_

"I did not break Hunk. You're fine right, Hunk?" Keith looked over to the other boy who was staring at him like he'd grown another head.

_*Oh yeah, he looks completely fine*_

"Shiro!" Hunk called. "Um, can we talk to you for a minute?"

_*We don't need Shiro we need the guys with the science and magic. *_

"I gotta agree with Lance here Hunk, what's Shiro going to do?" Keith asked, head turned to the side.

"Shiro, Keith is hearing voices, more specifically Lance's voice." Hunk babbled as Shiro came up to them.

"Keith?"

"I'm not crazy, stop looking at me like that." Keith crossed his arms and pouted, why weren't they listening?

_*Well, that really remains to be seen and doesn't have much to do with me being in your head. *_

"Oh yeah, well just don't mess up anything in there!" Keith snapped at nothing.

_*Mess up…yeah, I think I can state, for the record, you were already messed up, Mullet*_

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" Keith's voice grew low and dangerous.

_*Just being stuck up here, I kinda don't have any choice but to hear what is going on in your head and I'm sorry because it's a total invasion of privacy and I didn't mean to end up here and I'd rather go back to my pathetic body now…*_

"Why do you say that? You're not pathetic." 

_*Oh yeah, ‘cause non-pathetic people wish to be in your head so that they can figure out how you are so perfect. *_

"I am not perfect." 

_*Well, that's true, but you are like the perfect paladin*_

"I'm not, what are you even saying?"

"Keith, can you hear me?" Shiro grabbed his face and turned him until their eyes met. Keith wondered if maybe he'd been trying to get his attention for a while.

"Yes, Shiro." Keith blinked trying to bring the Black Paladin into focus. His head was really hurting at this point and he felt a bit dizzy.

"Allura says she can sense Lance, so we believe you. Can you ask him how he got there?"

_*I wished on a star*_

"What did you wish?" Keith tried to clarify.

_*To be you, to figure out how to be as good as you. *_

"Lance." Keith sighed.

_*I was just feeling lonely and I…I don't know I thought if I was more like you, I could handle it all better. I didn't know how you really felt or how much other shit you have to deal with. *_

"Well now you know, so you know I'm not perfect and you can get out of my head." Keith cringed; he really wasn't thrilled with what Lance might know.

_*I’m sorry, really, I am, but actually, I think you're even better than I thought before. You like have anxiety and stuff and still make it through the day. You worry about stuff like constantly and still get stuff done. You’re angry a lot, which I knew, but turns out you have your reasons. What I really learned is that it isn't all easy for you like I thought. You train really hard and way too much. You pretend stuff doesn't bother you when it does. You are not the ass I thought you were*_

"Thanks?" Keith frowned as Lance's laugh echoed in his head.

"Keith?" Shiro tried to get his attention.

"He says he made a wish to figure me out or something." Keith edited, suddenly unwilling to embarrass Lance.

_*Oh, nice cover, thank you. *_

"So how do we get him out?" Hunk asked nervously.

_*I know wish me out, like say it out loud. *_

"Lance, this isn't a fairy tale." Keith snapped, the pain in his head increasing.

_*Its magic, why not? *_

"Fine. Lance, I wish you would get out of my head!" Keith snarled.

_*…so, still here. *_

"That was totally Lance's idea, wasn't it?" Pidge asked with a snicker.

"Yeah," Keith sighed rubbing between his eyes. He swallowed back a wave of naseau as the pain in his head spiked up higher.

"Number four, are you okay?" Coran frowned as the young man grew pale and sweat stood out on his face.

_*Keith? Quiznak this hurts*_

"I…um…I'm going to be sick!" Keith turned and vomited, splattering it onto the infirmary floor.

"Oh no." Allura whispered, her hands held up to Keith's temples and a pink glow emanating from her fingertips.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Shiro asked urgently.

"I'm afraid it's just too much quintessence for Keith's body to hold. Lance's presence seems to be stronger than it was, and it is becoming too much." Allura answered sharply.

"Perhaps Number three was drained from the transfer and is gaining strength?" Coran offered pulling his scanner out and running it over Keith.

"If that is the case then we need to hurry. If Lance grows too much stronger, we could lose them both." Allura bit her lip as she stared at Keith.

_*Wait? What? No. I wish I was back in my body. I wanna go home. There's no place like home. How do I get out of here? I want off this ride! *_

"Lance, shut up." Keith almost whimpered. Hunk helped ease him back onto the bed and he curled up onto his side. His body was trembling, and the pain was becoming overwhelming, tears were starting to leak from his eyes without his permission.

_*Sorry, I'm sorry. I need to get out of here. I'm so sorry. *_

"Still talking." Keith whispered.

_*Right, quiet now. *_

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed. The pain in his head was like nothing he’d ever felt before and he could feel Lance’s guilt swirling in his own gut. He tried to send soothing thoughts to his friend through his pain, but that sent the guilt spiking up higher. Then Lance trying to ease his pain. He wasn’t sure how, but waves of blue seemed to be washing over him. It wasn’t making the pain stop so much, more like getting a back rub when you have a stomachache; it didn’t stop the pain, but it made him feel better at the same. 

"Can Lance hear us?" Allura asked seemingly out of the blue, but Keith suspected they had been discussing and talking right next to him the whole time. Keith nodded. "Alright, Lance, when you made the transfer before there was a surge of quintessence in the room from the quintessence shower. Coran and I believe that if I create a surge in this room you can use it to move back to your body, but you must focus on your body. It is really rather lucky you managed to attach to Keith's body the first time. If your quintessence remains without a body for too long you could be lost to us." Allura let her fear show in her eyes. "This is not something that the original paladins attempted until many years after they had their lions and if circumstances were not so dire, we would have you do much more training before attempting this."

"This plan doesn't sound good." Keith sighed. The pain was increasing to the point he was feeling detached from it and he knew it wasn’t a good sign, but he didn't want Lance put at so much risk.

_*Thanks, Keith, but I got us into this and I'm getting us out. Tell her I can do it. *_

"He says he can do it, but I don't like it. There is too much risk." Keith tried to reason with them again.

_*Keith, you're dying. They aren't going to let that happen. I'm not going to let that happen. *_

Keith was having trouble following any of the other conversations in the room, because the next thing he knew there was a pink cloud swirling in the air in front of him. It was like cotton candy with glitter on it.

_*You are a big softie, aren't you? See ya around. *_

The pressure behind his eyes increased exponentially and he thinks he screamed before his world faded to darkness once more.

***

Keith found himself once again on a cot in the infirmary, blinking tired eyes open. 

"Keith?"

This time it was Shiro waiting for him and helping him up into a seated position. He gently lifts him and runs a hand through his hair, looking into his eyes searching for any stray flashes of pain.

"I'm okay." Keith smiled softly.

"Any pain?" Shiro steadily staring at him.

"Um…" Keith paused to consider, "No, I really feel okay, a little tired." Keith shrugged.

"A little tired is normal for someone who gets up in the middle of the night to train." Shiro snipped back.

Keith cringed. He would no doubt hear more about that in the future.

"Hey, Mullet!" Keith spun around looking desparately for the owner of the voice and couldn't stop the relieved sigh when he found him lying on a bed on the other side of the infirmary.

"You okay, Lance?" Keith waited nervously.

"Yeah, tired, apparently transferring drains quintessence and it will be a couple days till I'm back to full, but I'll be fine." Lance assured with a smile.

"Only if you sleep. Now sleep." Hunk demanded, pulling a blanket up over Lance as he laid back into the bed chuckling.

"Goodnight, Keith."

Keith snorted and allowed Shiro to bring him back down onto his own bunk, he sighed when the warm blanket was tucked under his chin and Shiro's warm hand patted his shoulder.

***

I don't know why I'm here again. I defintely will not wish to be Keith again. I have so much more respect for him now. He struggled so hard growing up and I miss my family still, but at least I have a family to miss…oh…that is a good idea. I smile to myself a little and head out into the hall, sure enough the sound of sword clashing into bots is echoing from the training room. I slid in and he doesn't even notice me; he just keeps going.

"End training sequence."

On the other hand, he totally saw me.

"What do you want?" 

He doesn't really say it mean; it seems to be a genuine question. Suddenly I'm questioning this plan, maybe it isn't as good as I thought.

"Lance?" 

He walks over and wipes the sweat out of his eyes before stopping to stare at me. 

"Oh, hey, Keith, fancy meeting you here."

One of his eyebrows shoots straight up and disappears under his bangs and he looks at me like maybe I'm insane.

"I'm kidding. I knew you'd be here. I was just wandering. I mean, if you want to. I was just, you know, looking at the stars and, well, I used to do that with my sister back home and I don't know if you even like stars or anything and it's not like your my sister cause, you know, you’re a boy and but if you wanted you could, I mean, we could talk….I like to name the constellations cause I don't know what they really are supposed to be but there is one shaped like a wolf just now and another I think looks like a shark and if you…okay maybe this was a bad idea. I'm sorry I bothered you." Back away Lance, I'm telling myself, get away with what tattered remnants of dignity you have left.

"Lance." 

I stop and turn.

"I'd like that. My dad and I used to look at stars in the desert when I was a kid." His voice was soft and the smile on his face kind of sad. "I miss it. I miss him."

"Yeah, I was really sorry to find out about that. I…you know…Shiro really cares about you and the rest of us, we care about you too. We're kind of like a space family."

"Space family?" Oh, and there he's giving me the “you're crazy look” again.

"Sure, space family. We got to take care of each other and stuff." I give him a smile and put my arm on his shoulder. "And when we get back to Earth, I'm going to introduce you to my Earth family. You'll like them and Mami will think she needs to feed you to make you taller and the kids will try to braid your hair and…" I lost track of what I was even talking about as we walked down to look at the stars. Maybe I wasn't so lonely after all. I had a space family to take care of and that was willing to take care of me. I had a family at home waiting on me. And maybe I wasn't a perfect paladin or as good at being a paladin as Keith, but I could work hard like he did and I could keep improving and in the meantime I could teach him how to be a part of family because that is something I am pretty quiznaking good at. 

I wished on a star and didn't actually get what I wanted, in fact, almost got us killed. I should be really more careful what I wish for, but at this moment sitting here laughing at the cowboy hat constellation Keith just found, I can't say that I regret it, not one little bit.


End file.
